I Tried the 12 Steps – It Didn’t Work

We hear this a lot. The more someone is exposed to recovery without recovering, the more they resent the 12 Steps. Most say, “I tried the 12 Steps and they didn’t work.” Almost none say, “I worked the 12 Steps and they didn’t work.” That difference matters.

Did you actually work the program?

Ask a simple question: “Did you open the Big Book at the title page, read through page 164, and do what it asks in between?”If the answer is honest, it is usually “No.”

How people get lost

Bad sponsorship

Bad sponsorship shows up when someone who is not an addict or alcoholic, or who has never worked the Steps with a sponsor, tries to take someone else through the work. The intent may be kind, but the result can be dangerous for the real alcoholic or addict.

Think of it like attempting open-heart surgery after only watching Grey’s Anatomy. Not great for the patient.

Helping others is a cornerstone of recovery for anyone who wants to recover, but the Big Book is clear: we cannot transmit what we do not have.

Opinions - not facts

If you hear something in a meeting that cannot be reconciled with the first 164 pages, take it with a grain of salt. Much of what gets shared is well-intentioned opinion.

We now have stronger data on AA’s effectiveness. Broadly speaking, people who actively engage in a 12 Step program are more likely to initiate and sustain abstinence over the long term. If you want a message grounded in the shared experience of recovered addicts and alcoholics, find a literature-based meeting - often called a Big Book study.

Whining vs purpose

This rubs people the wrong way, but it needs saying. Long complaint sessions in meetings do not help the newcomer. Personal problems matter, and there are places for them - fellowship, sponsorship, therapy. A 12 Step meeting has a primary purpose: to carry the message to the alcoholic or addict who still suffers. The message is the Steps.

War stories

There are two times your story is essential: when you are asked to share experience, strength, and hope at a speaker meeting, and when you are helping someone one-on-one. Your story shows you understand the pain - and how you found a way out. It should point to action, not entertainment.

What the 12 Steps are - at the core

A 12 Step program is a spiritual program of action designed to connect you with a power greater than yourself that can restore sanity and remove the obsession to drink or use. To a newcomer, that can sound like pseudo-religious weirdness. This is where solid sponsorship matters most.

A quick self-audit

Before you write off the 12 Steps, look at your actual experience:

• Did you read from the title page through 164?

• Did you get a sponsor who has a sponsor?

• Did you complete your Fourth Step?

• How many amends did you make?

• What did you do to help others?

Yoda had it right: “Do or do not. There is no try.” That applies to young Padawans and to people new to recovery.

If you are willing, ask your higher power to set aside what you think you know about yourself, the illness, the Big Book, AA, and the Steps, so you can approach them with an open mind and have a new experience. That is where “I tried” can turn into “I worked,” and where change usually begins.